and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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