so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
