You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You have to summon your inner elephant
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize