my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
