i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
