so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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