she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
