Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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