Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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