OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
