I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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