did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
