You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
