Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
