weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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