Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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