so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
