he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
