have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
