I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
