There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
