Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
