you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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