The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
