we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
