life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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