I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
