My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We left an ass print on the piano.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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