Duck Duck Cougar?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
