we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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