Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
