Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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