proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
