NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
