So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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