Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
