Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
