Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
