You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
