That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
