I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
