oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
