I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
