I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
