So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
