i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
