P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
