I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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