Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
