hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
