Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
