I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
