if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
