I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
