im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
