wakey wakey hands off snakey
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
